Not Every Battle Deserves You

A reflection on empathy, anger, and learning to disengage.

Sarah Unscripted, January column

Recently, I almost did something that I haven’t done in years: I almost got in an argument with a stranger on the Internet!

I feel like I should kick myself. It was on Reddit of all places, in one of the medical subreddits. Long story short, a healthcare provider had posted something unkind about larger-bodied patients, and I saw red. Fortunately, I was able to take a deep breath and remind myself that this wasn’t the type of environment where engagement would lead to any sort of positivity or change. This wasn’t our forum after all, where people come in good faith to engage and learn.

It was hard – I really wanted to type up a fiery reply – but I made myself stop. I closed the app. I made the decision to protect my own peace.

Lately, I’ve tried to make a conscious effort to do this more often – to engage in practices that protect my peace. While I think it’s important for us to be firm (and vocal) in doing the right thing, I think it can sometimes be equally important to set a boundary and disengage from a negative environment.

I live in the United States, and right now it feels really overwhelming, especially if you’re an empathetic person. I’ve thought long and hard about how to respond to the negativity. To me, it’s important that I show my neighbors that I care about them. I want my patients to see my office as a safe space. I need to use my voice to speak out against injustice.

But – and this is so challenging – I’ve also had to pay extra attention to knowing my own limits. I only work four days in the clinic each week, so I try to be extra cognizant of using my off day to rest and reset. It’s hard for me to allow myself to be “nonproductive,” and I often start to worry if I’m not getting things done. So I make an effort to acknowledge and let go of this negative self-talk. It’s okay to take a nap. It’s okay to read a romance novel or watch TV.

I do my best to keep consistent boundaries with my patients, but I also acknowledge the need for flexibility. Maybe today this patient needs a little bit of extra handholding, and I’m not setting a bad precedent just because I have the bandwidth to accommodate that. Boundaries are important, but sometimes they can be a little fluid.

There are a lot of scary and big things happening in the world, and 2025 was a rough year in my personal life as well. To make it through, I’ve worked to find ways to protect my peace. I’d encourage you to think about ways that you can protect your own.

Each month, Dr. Sarah Halter, Family Physician at UW Medicine Primary Care Factoria in Bellevue, WA, shares reflections at the intersection of medicine, compassion, and weight-inclusive care. December’s column is available here